It's the year 2020. Wolves roam the streets. Every man and woman wears a tight black turtleneck. The people of the United States are pale, their pointer fingers raw, and their voices just below the normal human range.

This is Elizabeth Holmes' America: a land where seed funding flows as freely as the blood pulsing through our veins.

Holmes, the disgraced founder of Theranos, is not running for President of the United States (I think). If you haven't been following her story, she recently got engaged! And she's facing trial by grand jury for fraud!

ALSO: Elizabeth Holmes spotted walking around Marina with fiancé, dog

But what if Holmes were a presidential candidate? Given some of the folks who have run for president lately — and, let's be honest, won the whole shebang — the notion isn't all that outlandish. A new website, created by three self-proclaimed "Dumb Idiots," envisions how a Holmes campaign might look, and it's equal parts hilarious and dystopian (and totally fake).

Rather than a platform, the website lists Holme's imaginary "likes," "values," and "issues." The latter includes:

  • "Your Health"
  • "Blood"
  • "Voice and Skin"
  • "Soylent"
  • "Blood (Part 2)"
  • "Federal Grand Jury"

"My plan will compel each and every American to send large bags of blood, monthly, to our state-of-the-art testing labs with proprietary, never-before-seen, never-to-be-seen technology," the website says under the "Your Health" heading.

ALSO: What we know about Elizabeth Holmes as she awaits trial

The imaginary platform also offers important insights like, "Having blood in your body is essential to survival," and "There is no limit to what we can accomplish together when we have enough blood."

Looking to donate to the Holmes campaign? HolmesForPresident.com has a link for that: It takes you to the Red Cross site.

Read Michelle Robertson's latest stories and send her news tips at [email protected]sfgate.com

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